i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
