i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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