My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
