It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
