Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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