Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it hurts more in the daytime
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
