two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
