i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
