some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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