I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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