i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
