So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
