No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
