Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
