how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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