Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
