someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His hands were made for my vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
