Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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