Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
