Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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