I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
