I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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