your thong is hanging out like whoa
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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