i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this just has baby written all over it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
