She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
