I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
