OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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