Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
