dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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