im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
