Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
