At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
