gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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