Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
