Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
