Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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