I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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