I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
