remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
