I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
