He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
