dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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