I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
