You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
