I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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