I feel great
I just peed on a car
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
