I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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