Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
