At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
