Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nicole vs. Life
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
