I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
