i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
