exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
