Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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