Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
