I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
