when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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