she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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