he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
