in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize