I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
