Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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