you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
