i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
