Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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