can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
