Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
