new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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