I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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