She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
