Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize