I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
