OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
