I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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