dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
