I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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