He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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