I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
