thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
