I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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