Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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