I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
