Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drake has all the answers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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