I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
