took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
