You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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