my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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