they need to just BURY HIM!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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